10 Things From Clint Eastwood Westerns That You WON'T Find in Sandalwood

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Here at Tympanic, and at the side project, we're all getting very excited to open Sandalwood this week. And while it may be a Western that takes inspiration from some of the most iconic films in cinema, we like to think it's different from these movies in its own special way. Here are 10 famous tropes from Clint Eastwood Westerns that you WON'T find in our little play. Saddle up, pardner. It's about to get real rowdy at the corral!

 

1. Horses

 

Who can forget the image of Clint Eastwood's Preacher riding through a snowy forest on horseback? We could, because there's no WAY we were getting a horse through the side project's doors. That's right, buckaroos, Sandalwood is one of the ONLY Westerns without a horse.

 

 

2. Ponchos

 

As The Man With No Name, Clint almost always wore a dusty poncho. However, our wonderful Costume Designer, Brenda Scott Wlazlo, preferred to keep things darker and grittier, outfitting our protagonist—simply called The Father—in a weathered duster.

 

 

3. The Music of Enrico Morricone

 

There are few compositions in Hollywood as recognizable as the theme to The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. No disrespect to Mr. Morricone, but we've got our own in-house composer: Tympanic company member Maxwell Shults! You'll hear tons of original music he wrote just for Sandalwood.  Get a taste if you like!

 

 

4. Clint Eastwood Singing

 

 

Speaking of music...  We've all seen Paint Your Wagon. And we don't need to see (or hear) it again.

 

 

5. Boxing

 

It's hotly debated to this day, but most historians agree that cowboys brawled and NEVER boxed. Still, Million Dollar Baby IS a pretty good Western, historical accuracy aside.

 

 

6. Alcatraz

 

The Wild West did NOT have maximum security prisons. Their penitentiaries were smaller affairs simply known as "jails" or "drunk tanks." There's no Alcatraz in Sandalwood, so there's no need for anyone to escape from it.

 

 

7. Cadillacs

 

If we can't even get a horse through the door, how the HELL would we fit a pink Cadillac?!! This is storefront theatre, folks, not Broadway. And even if we were able to get a car onstage, cowboys didn't ride in luxury vehicles, despite what Clint Eastwood films and Bruce Springsteen songs would have you believe.

 

 

8. Orangutans

 

Yes, orangutans do prefer warmer climates, but an American desert is no place for a great ape. Remember, everyone, orangutans are found in rainforests. They need plenty of moisture and fruit, and no, we don't mean cactus fruit, smart aleck. Seriously, guys, get with the program. Let's get our 'tans out of the sand and back into the trees. Someone should call the Humane Society on Clint for what he did to poor Clyde.

 

9. Blood Work

 

Blood types weren't even discovered until 1901, so there's no way scientists could have done blood tests ANYWHERE in the late 19th century, let alone the American West. The local sheriff had to resort to good ol' detective work to solve a crime. Once again, Hollywood gets it wrong.

 

 

10. James Garner's Butt

 

Alright, we'll admit it. People DID get naked in the old West, even old men. Then again, do we really need to see it onscreen? Late-period Western Space Cowboys sure seems to think so. Sandalwood may have its fair share of sex talk, but I can promise you there's NO. NUDITY. Theatre is the place to ENTERTAIN, not to take risks.

 

 

Sandalwood March 27-April 20 Thurs-Sun at the side project

Get tickets here!

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